My #MeToo Stories

In light of the viral #MeToo movement, Rachel Brathen dedicated her weekly podcast to her own #MeToo stories. #MeToo It baffles me how much I could relate to these stories. Moments when us women are uncomfortable by a man and we freeze. We go through the steps in our minds but our voices say nothing. We…

What Happened? Depression Happened.

We are happy, enjoying our day. Joking and playing and laughing. I have a heavy conversation with a friend and it weighs on me afterwards. I set it aside, push it down, save those feelings for another day. We go shopping, you make a joke that somehow cuts me to my core. Followed by my…

81 Reasons to Be Alive

When I was younger I tried to take my own life, more than once. I ended up in the hospital. In a psychiatric ward. I didn’t receive counseling afterwards, which could have been a pretty grave mistake since I considered trying again many times afterwards. Luckily, my empathy saved me every time. I couldn’t leave…

Mixed State for Bipolar II

Mixed states. Apparently this isn’t a thing for bipolar II, at least according to the DSM-IV. But, this feels very real. This is the only thing I can really relate to in over a week. The only thing that makes complete sense. I haven’t felt comfortable saying “I’m having an episode” because I couldn’t figure out what the episode actually…

Alcohol

I’ve been doing some reflecting on alcohol’s role in my life after a couple recent events. Right now, I feel disgusted by it. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on drinks that are bad for my body. Drinks that inhibit my ability to control my body, to critically think, to function. Drinks that destabilize my mood…

Two extremes

I forgot to take my medication last night. I woke up and thought “it’ll be fine, it’s just one pill.” I spent the morning hanging out with my kid, enjoying coffee, driving to daycare, and day dreaming about marrying my girlfriend. We’ve only been together for a year and have no plans of marriage, yet I’m…

Was it really just a bad night, or am I a bad mom?

Sometimes I wonder was it really just “another bad night” or am I a bad mom? My patience runs thin with my three year old daughter. I don’t hit her, and I rarely yell, however I get angry – and quick. She wakes up in the middle of the night and has to pee, and…

Missing someone next to you

Three words “I miss you” As I can feel your body heat next to mine  I hear them said with such desperation You mean them entirely But here I am, physically close.  “I miss you” I know exactly what you mean You miss the “real” version of me The one that is happy,  Always excited…

Hypomania or Happiness?

I’m back on medication, and the difference was noticeable from day one. I was already in a depressive state, and somehow I was able to rise out of it. Day one: Getting out of bed was easy. The day didn’t seem to dark. And I found things to talk about. Day two: I exercised (just…

Encouraging Diversity & Challenging Automaticity

This past semester I learned about automaticity which basically is the automatic reactions we have. We discussed studies, experiences, and textual analysis. One that stood out to me was a study that documented human reactions to videos. There was a more visible response to a white hand being stuck with a needle compared to a…