Hypomanic: Who Needs Sleep? I think I do.

I am now certain that I’m hypomanic right now. I’m not even sure how long I’ve been this way. There were identifiable warning signs going back to two weeks ago. I wonder if sometimes I just slide into hypomania. Like, it just progresses you know? How long have I been living here? First you notice you’ve…

What Happened? Depression Happened.

We are happy, enjoying our day. Joking and playing and laughing. I have a heavy conversation with a friend and it weighs on me afterwards. I set it aside, push it down, save those feelings for another day. We go shopping, you make a joke that somehow cuts me to my core. Followed by my…

81 Reasons to Be Alive

When I was younger I tried to take my own life, more than once. I ended up in the hospital. In a psychiatric ward. I didn’t receive counseling afterwards, which could have been a pretty grave mistake since I considered trying again many times afterwards. Luckily, my empathy saved me every time. I couldn’t leave…

Mixed State for Bipolar II

Mixed states. Apparently this isn’t a thing for bipolar II, at least according to the DSM-IV. But, this feels very real. This is the only thing I can really relate to in over a week. The only thing that makes complete sense. I haven’t felt comfortable saying “I’m having an episode” because I couldn’t figure out what the episode actually…

Two extremes

I forgot to take my medication last night. I woke up and thought “it’ll be fine, it’s just one pill.” I spent the morning hanging out with my kid, enjoying coffee, driving to daycare, and day dreaming about marrying my girlfriend. We’ve only been together for a year and have no plans of marriage, yet I’m…

Missing someone next to you

Three words “I miss you” As I can feel your body heat next to mine  I hear them said with such desperation You mean them entirely But here I am, physically close.  “I miss you” I know exactly what you mean You miss the “real” version of me The one that is happy,  Always excited…