Veganuary

In January I followed a vegan diet for the month ( #Veganuary ). It was difficult at first. I was so grateful whenever a restaurant had clear indicators for which foods were vegan. Even more respect for the restaurants that had more than 4 vegan options. I found myself reaching out to baristas and waiters/waitresses…

Hypomanic: Who Needs Sleep? I think I do.

I am now certain that I’m hypomanic right now. I’m not even sure how long I’ve been this way. There were identifiable warning signs going back to two weeks ago. I wonder if sometimes I just slide into hypomania. Like, it just progresses you know? How long have I been living here? First you notice you’ve…

Coming Out: Why Was It So Hard? Society, That’s Why

In light of wrapping up my semester working at a religious school I feel the need to write about my sexuality. Something I have not written about in the past because I’ve been confused for so long. However, I think I finally am able to accept and embrace my sexuality. I’ve dated men and I…

What Happened? Depression Happened.

We are happy, enjoying our day. Joking and playing and laughing. I have a heavy conversation with a friend and it weighs on me afterwards. I set it aside, push it down, save those feelings for another day. We go shopping, you make a joke that somehow cuts me to my core. Followed by my…

81 Reasons to Be Alive

When I was younger I tried to take my own life, more than once. I ended up in the hospital. In a psychiatric ward. I didn’t receive counseling afterwards, which could have been a pretty grave mistake since I considered trying again many times afterwards. Luckily, my empathy saved me every time. I couldn’t leave…

Mixed State for Bipolar II

Mixed states. Apparently this isn’t a thing for bipolar II, at least according to the DSM-IV. But, this feels very real. This is the only thing I can really relate to in over a week. The only thing that makes complete sense. I haven’t felt comfortable saying “I’m having an episode” because I couldn’t figure out what the episode actually…

Two extremes

I forgot to take my medication last night. I woke up and thought “it’ll be fine, it’s just one pill.” I spent the morning hanging out with my kid, enjoying coffee, driving to daycare, and day dreaming about marrying my girlfriend. We’ve only been together for a year and have no plans of marriage, yet I’m…

Missing someone next to you

Three words “I miss you” As I can feel your body heat next to mine  I hear them said with such desperation You mean them entirely But here I am, physically close.  “I miss you” I know exactly what you mean You miss the “real” version of me The one that is happy,  Always excited…

Hypomania or Happiness?

I’m back on medication, and the difference was noticeable from day one. I was already in a depressive state, and somehow I was able to rise out of it. Day one: Getting out of bed was easy. The day didn’t seem to dark. And I found things to talk about. Day two: I exercised (just…

My need for speed, racing from depression

Three days ago I decided it was time to stop yet another prescription drug. A painful rash on my stomach brought me to this decision. My heart shattered, because everything I’ve tried thus far has led to harmful and potentially dangerous side effects. Of course my first thought was “I’m going to have to spend…