The cavity of my life : love & loss

Cavity: an empty space within a solid object, in particular the human body I reflect on the days when my entire body felt empty and bare. My heart did not exist other than the moments I needed to ache. My emotions were numbed, every single one of them. I didn’t know joy anymore. I didn’t…

Hypomanic: Who Needs Sleep? I think I do.

I am now certain that I’m hypomanic right now. I’m not even sure how long I’ve been this way. There were identifiable warning signs going back to two weeks ago. I wonder if sometimes I just slide into hypomania. Like, it just progresses you know? How long have I been living here? First you notice you’ve…

Coming Out: Why Was It So Hard? Society, That’s Why

In light of wrapping up my semester working at a religious school I feel the need to write about my sexuality. Something I have not written about in the past because I’ve been confused for so long. However, I think I finally am able to accept and embrace my sexuality. I’ve dated men and I…

Live Your True Life(Without Reservation)

Living life reserved. What does it look like? Well, reservation looks like questioning your heart because you’re afraid of what others might say. It’s not raising your hand in class even though you knew the answer. It’s not answering the phone when a friend or loved one calls. It’s not making that bold move because…

My #MeToo Stories

In light of the viral #MeToo movement, Rachel Brathen dedicated her weekly podcast to her own #MeToo stories. #MeToo It baffles me how much I could relate to these stories. Moments when us women are uncomfortable by a man and we freeze. We go through the steps in our minds but our voices say nothing. We…

What Happened? Depression Happened.

We are happy, enjoying our day. Joking and playing and laughing. I have a heavy conversation with a friend and it weighs on me afterwards. I set it aside, push it down, save those feelings for another day. We go shopping, you make a joke that somehow cuts me to my core. Followed by my…

81 Reasons to Be Alive

When I was younger I tried to take my own life, more than once. I ended up in the hospital. In a psychiatric ward. I didn’t receive counseling afterwards, which could have been a pretty grave mistake since I considered trying again many times afterwards. Luckily, my empathy saved me every time. I couldn’t leave…

Mixed State for Bipolar II

Mixed states. Apparently this isn’t a thing for bipolar II, at least according to the DSM-IV. But, this feels very real. This is the only thing I can really relate to in over a week. The only thing that makes complete sense. I haven’t felt comfortable saying “I’m having an episode” because I couldn’t figure out what the episode actually…

Two extremes

I forgot to take my medication last night. I woke up and thought “it’ll be fine, it’s just one pill.” I spent the morning hanging out with my kid, enjoying coffee, driving to daycare, and day dreaming about marrying my girlfriend. We’ve only been together for a year and have no plans of marriage, yet I’m…